September 29th, 2005
|08:10 pm - How does this make you feel?|
Taken from someone else on LJ.
Here is my 5 point plan for dealing with children. Children are defined as anyone below the age of 12. Exceptions are made for girls 10 and above who bloomed early.
1. There should be a mandatory curfew for children. They should only be allowed in public from 3-5pm Monday-Friday; and 11am -6pm on the weekend.
While they are in public, the parents are responsible for having some way to entertain them. A portable DVD player with earphones is great. Any clear plastic bag is an economical alternative. Don't give your child a noisy handheld video game: it's like handing the child a drum or a fistful of fireworks. While, I have no problem with you giving your child a fistful of fireworks, I just ask that you do it at home.
2. One child is allowed in public per adult supervisor. No more field trips, no more haggard women towing 5 screaming kids through the mall. If you're pregnant that counts as your 1 kid.
3. Children are not allowed in movie theatres, or restaurants. The only exceptions being themed restaurants, fast food joints, G-rated movies, or anything with Sandra Bullock.
4. Children in public need to be drugged to make them quiet and compliant.
Parents who do not want to drug their children must physically restrain them. They need to be muzzled, and strapped down to handcarts; sort of like how they used to wheel Hannibal Lecter around in, "Silence of the Lambs".
5. Children not restrained (see above) will be equipped with leashes and shock collars. The controls for the shock collars will be publicly available. Anyone seeing a misbehaving child will have the ability to activate the shock collars.
Parents and children unwilling to follow these rules will be sent to labor camps where they will sew t-shirts, or build shock collars and handcarts.
The other option for parents who don't want to follow these rules is to leave their children at home when they go out. That's why God made TV, and books of matches.
So in closing, please write to your congressman, representative, or local warlord, and tell them you want them to endorse the T-Shirt Hell Childcare Act of 2005. If they refuse, tell them you know all about the videotape.
You don't need to be specific; they'll know what you're talking about.
From T Shirt Hell
I have a recording on my phone of what i had to put up with one night when i was on a bus with screaming kids. I dont know how to put it on the internet, so i will describe.
It consists of some lunatic kid with a craze for sellotape. He started saying it quietly, sellotape.. sellotape.. sellotape, but then he get louder, sellotape.. SELLOTAPE.. S-E-L-L-O-T-A-P-E!!!!!! This went on for about half an hour, all the time the mother is like "Shh... darling...", "please be quiet darling," "hush darling...". I felt something more to the effect off "Shut up "darling", or im going to gag you with effin' sellotape!", would of been more suitable.
As if the sellotape thing wasn't enough, the kid kept kicking the back of my seat (oh yes, i nearly forgot, he was right behind me, so when he was screaming sellotape, it was right in my ear!), so all the way home, i had... sellotape...kick kick...sellotape...kick kick...sellotape...KICK KICK! SELLOTAPE! Shh darling...
It was hell on earth. I say stuff those 5 points and simply put the kids in a waterproof container, push them out to sea, then fish them back out when they get to a suitable age. *nods*
Jeez. I would've turned around and slapped them. And then gotten sued by the mother.